Sigmund Freud Why? or So Fucking What? What's the better title?

As my friends could attest I'm both a Psychology and Fine Arts major but both came out half-baked. Well if only Sigmund Freud could rise from his grave and can give one more session and psycho-analyze me, Think it will help me a lot. Maybe if he'll give me a dose of a little hypnotheraphy, some electric shocks then top it with the Chinese torture chamber. Wait I got an idea... So all I need are some wood preferably 6ply then fashion it into a box, some nails those sharp ones and throw some dull ones too, a necklace must have a pendant of course; and I'm off to have a one on one session w/ myself.


SFW?
-from the sick mind of a sick me-

-As the flame touched my lips
-As the liquid with its dire putrid taste made its way to my head
-As the sound in all its noise pushed through my ears
-As the memoirs of yesteryears flashed back
-As the relenting query ‘why?’ seek out answers not yet found
-As the wind with all its smolder clouded my awareness
-As my eyes drowned in tears
-As my fists struck all barriers with all my strength
-As the ink wrote stuffs never meant to be comprehended
-As my body trembled ‘cause of trepidation of what may come
-As my veins showed manifestly due to perpetual pressures
-As my heart fell into a spasm

I ASKED MYSELF, SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As the cold crept down my spine
-As everyone who I care for disputed everything I do
-As my supposed friends where never there when they should have been
-As my mentors who ought to help pushed me down
-As love with all its might crippled me with pain
-As my key never unbolted any locks
-As my providence ran out and was mislaid by misfortunes
-As the door closed entirely hitting me on my face

I ASKED MYSELF, SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As I traversed along the cycle of existence
-As I am ensnared in this vast infinity of hassles
-As I am persistently haunted by my conscience
-As I am naively lying to myself
-As my ego consumed me entirely
-As my enthrallment with the devil diluted my faith
-As the gods with their master plan played us like marionettes

I ASK MYSELF SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As the deafening sound of angst awakened my longing for total tranquility
-As the worsening state of my existence become further dismal
-As her face kept on budging in on my mind
-As fate ever so spiteful destined already my demise
-As the wounds with all its pain never healed
-As my eyes confine in three dimensions the lunacy of our so- called world

I STOPPED AND ASKED, SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As her saccharine ‘yes’ grew more and more into a rancid ‘no’
-As my still breathing body sank deeper and deeper six feet under
-As the shackles of my repression to transgression and lure tightened each day
-As bigotry from diversities befall more the reason for another holocaust
-As night dawns fast and day never showed his visage
-As creatures grand and intrepid evolve to become no more than mere human

I ASK MYSELF SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As solitude become more the meaning of my bliss
-As the chemicals that flooded my system diluted my wits and body
-As diffidence made me fearful to meet head-on even my own silhouette
-As I hear people whispering calling me a freak
-As my life flashed back leasing me a new chance to glimpse those exhausted years
-As my psychotic mentality geared me to do things you could never even envision

I STOPPED TO PONDER SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As the prejudice eyes of the populous pricked through my individuality
-As change ever so constant seemed to have elapsed over me
-As I ran out of grounds to dissenter
-As people kept calling me a LOSER
-As my life ever so multihued now faint to tones and shades of black
-As the cheap malt liquor made me lofty

I STOPPED AND ASKED MYSELF SO FUCKING WHAT?

-AS I PLANNED TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE, I PAUSED TO THINK DO ANYONE EVEN CARE…