WELCOME TO THE CARNIVALE FREAKSHOW! CHRISTENED AS A CLOWN:I BID YOU TO WITNESS THE WORLD THROUGH MY FIGURATIVE PERPETUAL VOUYERISMS.TRAVERSE ABOARD MY CAROUSEL OF SUBLIME PAIN. HITCH ONTO MY NOT SO MERRY-GO-ROUND! I IMPLORE YOU TO LOOK PAST MY RANCID INTERJECTIONS; MOREOVER, ILLUSTRATE EMPATHY TOWARDS MY DEMENTED SENSIBILITY.DROWN THROUGH MY PAGES WRITTEN AND DRENCHED WITH LIQUID CHEMISTRY.ENTER MY SOUL'S SOLILOQUY...AND TAKE PLEASURE!

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Sigmund Freud Why? or So Fucking What? What's the better title?


As my friends could attest I'm both a Psychology and Fine Arts major but both came out half-baked. Well if only Sigmund Freud could rise from his grave and can give one more session and psycho-analyze me, Think it will help me a lot. Maybe if he'll give me a dose of a little hypnotheraphy, some electric shocks then top it with the Chinese torture chamber. Wait I got an idea... So all I need are some wood preferably 6ply then fashion it into a box, some nails those sharp ones and throw some dull ones too, a necklace must have a pendant of course; and I'm off to have a one on one session w/ myself.


SFW?
-from the sick mind of a sick me- Posted by Hello

-As the flame touched my lips
-As the liquid with its dire putrid taste made its way to my head
-As the sound in all its noise pushed through my ears
-As the memoirs of yesteryears flashed back
-As the relenting query ‘why?’ seek out answers not yet found
-As the wind with all its smolder clouded my awareness
-As my eyes drowned in tears
-As my fists struck all barriers with all my strength
-As the ink wrote stuffs never meant to be comprehended
-As my body trembled ‘cause of trepidation of what may come
-As my veins showed manifestly due to perpetual pressures
-As my heart fell into a spasm

I ASKED MYSELF, SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As the cold crept down my spine
-As everyone who I care for disputed everything I do
-As my supposed friends where never there when they should have been
-As my mentors who ought to help pushed me down
-As love with all its might crippled me with pain
-As my key never unbolted any locks
-As my providence ran out and was mislaid by misfortunes
-As the door closed entirely hitting me on my face

I ASKED MYSELF, SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As I traversed along the cycle of existence
-As I am ensnared in this vast infinity of hassles
-As I am persistently haunted by my conscience
-As I am naively lying to myself
-As my ego consumed me entirely
-As my enthrallment with the devil diluted my faith
-As the gods with their master plan played us like marionettes

I ASK MYSELF SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As the deafening sound of angst awakened my longing for total tranquility
-As the worsening state of my existence become further dismal
-As her face kept on budging in on my mind
-As fate ever so spiteful destined already my demise
-As the wounds with all its pain never healed
-As my eyes confine in three dimensions the lunacy of our so- called world

I STOPPED AND ASKED, SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As her saccharine ‘yes’ grew more and more into a rancid ‘no’
-As my still breathing body sank deeper and deeper six feet under
-As the shackles of my repression to transgression and lure tightened each day
-As bigotry from diversities befall more the reason for another holocaust
-As night dawns fast and day never showed his visage
-As creatures grand and intrepid evolve to become no more than mere human

I ASK MYSELF SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As solitude become more the meaning of my bliss
-As the chemicals that flooded my system diluted my wits and body
-As diffidence made me fearful to meet head-on even my own silhouette
-As I hear people whispering calling me a freak
-As my life flashed back leasing me a new chance to glimpse those exhausted years
-As my psychotic mentality geared me to do things you could never even envision

I STOPPED TO PONDER SO FUCKING WHAT?

-As the prejudice eyes of the populous pricked through my individuality
-As change ever so constant seemed to have elapsed over me
-As I ran out of grounds to dissenter
-As people kept calling me a LOSER
-As my life ever so multihued now faint to tones and shades of black
-As the cheap malt liquor made me lofty

I STOPPED AND ASKED MYSELF SO FUCKING WHAT?

-AS I PLANNED TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE, I PAUSED TO THINK DO ANYONE EVEN CARE…

1 left the carnivale an epistle:

Anonymous Anonymous so eloquently stated...

I'm really distracted by the grammatical errors in this. Particularly since it's being submitted as an entry for a contest, I would suggest proof reading and checking, unless the grammatical errors are intentional. If that's the case, then I would suggest mentioning that the errors are intentional in your description.

For example: "As the liquid with its’ dire"
You don't need an apostrophe there.

"TO THINK DO ANYONE EVEN CARE"
A very emotional line can be ruined by incorrect grammar. "Does anyone even care" is correct.

The repetition is interesting, and gives the poem a flavor distinctly your own, which is always nice. You've certainly used some unique word combinations. The alliteration lends the poem some nice spoken rhythm. Good luck in the comptetion, by the way.


*wordlesswhisper

November 12, 2004 2:31 AM

 

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